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Life Today /vol. 2/




What am I thinking just about right now?



As a prologue to this self-proclaimed novel, let me first describe this wondrous night of 28th where November is just about to lose its glorious turn in this year of the sheep. Well, the noises were really evident with entertaining voices that were overlapping in a series of changing channels; the night has been splashing icey rains since the weather station announced to has been monitoring a possible typhoon; the smell of freshly brewed coffee that was left intact under my nostrils as I was drinking it earlier before I got home; the frenzied emotion I have feeling as I finally kiss my bed goodnight after that long and tiring battle for eternal city traffic. So imagine how it was entirely engaging (or probably not) to put my thoughts into a thousand repeated letters which I can call my blog.



And yeah that was one hell of an introduction!


As I am clinging with the literal scenarios of my daily life, I have come to understand one thing which for the past years I had always taken for granted. Even before I had lost in the sea of people, living beyond the world of others and allowing myself to be dictated by their foul words, I am always this introvert, self-delusional gal that I am right now. It always seems that I am living in a fantasy world wherein waking up is the last thing I could do. It really does matter to me how people will look upon my actions and how will I bring my best self in front of them. I am lost. Yes that's what probably it is. It will take courage to stand on my own ground but now that I have finally realized that I'm not forever be in the shadows of these people, I will say that, I can build my own platform.


"And that one thing...
is finding (or building)
my own ground and let
other people live in my 
world rather than myself
living to theirs."



I am always searching, just like you or them or every living thing in this world. Sometimes, I don't know what I am searching for or why in the first place would I've done it. There is no apparent reason for every why's or a valid action for every how's. And with all of these world's compositions, uncertainty is always certain. So, why we are all living? To whom do we live? What is our purpose?


When do we need to stop?


To be able to reach that long range goal I have been pursuing my entire life, (even if at some point I don't even know what the hell that is) I just keep on thinking where will my happiness be at ease if someday I shall woke up with the realization that finally, finally I have touched it, grabbed it with my own shivering hands. Happiness is the basis for me to really say that I have conquered my dreams and with it, I know that I already built my own platform.



"No, we don't need to stop,
for the uncertainty
will give us the lives full of
wonders and unexplained
emotions."



Right now, as the rain pours and the noises have given me a distinct separation of my heart's desires and people's commands (to take me between their tails), I already had decided to flip open another page of my book, and I will write the version of me without them barking and withdrawing myself from the thinking that I can't. Probably I would be able to stand up higher (to my own platform) and gracefully look upon the scene where I'll proudly say that WELCOME TO MY WORLD!



"and all of these lead to one
thing, a rightful place where
the flowers will never wilt
and where uninterrupted bliss
will never be corrupted" 














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