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Sa Isang Iglap : Pag-amin (PART 1)

Hindi ko namalayan na iniisip na pala kita. Akala ko naaalala ko lang 'yung mga bagay na nangyari sakin sa isang buong araw. Akala ko normal lamang na maglaro ka sa imahinasyon ko dahil bahagi ka ng labing-dalawang oras ko sa kalsada. 

Nagtataka lang ako.

'Nung una, isang tipikal na araw lamang ang pagpasok sa opisina. Isang tipikal na oras lamang ang paghikab sa jeep ng dalawang oras. Isang tipikal na minuto lamang ang pagtambay sa cafeteria nang nag-iisa. Pero ngayon parang ang mga bahaging iyon ay hindi na mauulit kasi dumating ka.

Nagtataka lang ako.

Sanay akong mag-isa. Lahat ata ng bagay ginagawa ko ng walang tulong. Kumakain sa labas ng mag-isa, nagkakape sa labas ng mag-isa, bumibili ng libro mag-isa, tumatambay sa Happy Lemon ng mag-isa. Pero ngayon tinatanong ko sa sarili ko kung pwede ba kitang yayain minsan? Tambay naman tayo. 

Nagtataka lang ako.

Bago ka dumating, isa akong pribadong tao, misteryoso sa paningin ng iba. Lahat sinasarili ko, ayoko ng may nakakaalam, ayoko ng tsismosa at tsismoso. Ayoko ng maraming tanong kasi ayoko rin ng maraming sagot.

Nagtataka lang ako.

Pero ngayon, pinipilit kong maging bukas sa buhay ko... lalo na pagdating sayo. Pinipilit ko paunti-unti kasi alam kong magugustuhan mo. May mga oras na hindi ko nagagawa 'yung mga bagay na magpapasaya sayo, nakikita ko na lang may luha ka sa mga mata. Hindi ko alam kung dahil ba sa akin. Kasi kung ganoon, nasasaktan din ako.

Nagtataka lang ako.

Isang araw, nag-usap tayo na maghihintayan papasok sa opisina, nauna kang dumating ngunit hindi kita agad nakita sa kinatatayuan mo. Hinanap kita at nang makita ko ang tindig mo, napangiti ako, lumundag 'yung puso ko, kasi iyon ang unang pagkakataon na nakaramdam ako ng hindi ordinaryong saya. Hindi ko pa maipaliwanag dati kasi alam kong napakaaga pa para sabihin na isa iyong pagmamahal.

Nagtataka lang ako.

Pangalawang araw, ako naman ang nauna sa usapan natin. Nakatindig ako kung 'san kita lagi nakikita. Hinihintay kita. Makalipas ang ilang minuto nakita kita. Nagmamadali, tumatakbo paakyat sa footbridge kasi ang akala mo nandoon ako sa kabilang kalye. Sa puntong iyon, aaminin ko na hindi talaga kita tinawag. Pinagmasdan lang kita habang hingal na tumatakbo sa taas. Hindi ko lang sinabi sayo kasi nagulat ako sa ginawa mo. Napaisip tuloy ako kung ano ba ang mayroon sa akin? Hindi naman ako maganda, at hindi din mayaman. Napaluha ako sa sandaling iyon. Hindi ko lang pinahalata sayo.

Nagtataka lang ako.

Naulit nang naulit ang mga ginagawa mo na nakaka-catch ng atensyon ko. Hindi ko ba alam. Parang nakuha mo na ako mula nung tumakbo ka pataas ng footbridge. Doon siguro ito nagsimula. 

Nagtataka lang ako 

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