When The World Says It's Over

    "Maybe I'm just too numb to realize that cats will never be with rats forever."

WINTER OF 2000

    You are my safe haven.

    Once, I dreamt of a beautiful castle just like in fairy tales guarded by hundreds of sentinel and served by thousands of maids and butlers. But now, I'd just dream of a home. Being a solitary creature, I enjoy every moment with myself, pleasuring the time left in my fabricated hour glass and making my own time machine for rewinding auspicious moments...

    Until you came...

    Every time I see you outside my porch, half-smiling with the gentle blow of the wind on your face, I realized that I am no longer a loner. That morning, you came with your enchanting militaristic posture. And I know, as you also knew that, that was the reason why my heart started beating with the rhythm that's exactly your own.

    You have entered to my so-called solitary sanctuary and changed everything. "I have to set everything aside." I thought. And start anew--- with you, of course. WHEN I AM WITH YOU, I KNOW THAT EVERY THING FALLS PERFECTLY BECAUSE YOU ARE MY SAFE HAVEN.

SPRING OF 2004

    My love grew and never faded.

    We were together having our supper in our favorite place when suddenly you knelt down and immediately called the attention of the other diners. I saw them faced us two, with curious and questioning eyes. Sudden embarrassment occurred on me. I felt the shame ran through my face because of my ignorance.

    "Will you be with me forever?" You asked as you open the small box with a shimmering, overly beautiful ring inside.

    Flabbergasted.

    I don't know what to say. All I want to hear right now is the song playing in my heart...

    "Yes." I said.

    The people suddenly banged with applause as we step right in front of the screaming crowd. You took my hand once again and whispered... "I love you."

  

    The memories of that night still lingers on me as I sat there--- on the same chair where you told me the undying feeling of love. I hear the low-key chatter of the other diners but still your voice is all I want.

    Where are you?

SUMMER OF 2005

    As long as we both shall live.

    I dream.

    Nightmare. Yes, It's a nightmare. But I see you there... driving. How come you are my nightmare? No. Of course.

    No. No. No.

    You were holding the steering wheel with me on the passenger seat. We were laughing. So loud that I could not hear the screeching of our tires on the long road. Suddenly, there was a big headlight racing towards us like a bull!

    BANG!

    

    I open my eyes and it seems that it's been a long time since I've seen a light. I saw a doctor smiling right in front of my face, "You were unconscious for almost a year." she said.

    A year.

    So I was dead for one year.

   You're gone. I know that as the memories came rushing and fogging up my mind. Maybe I'm just too numb to realize that cats will never be with rats forever. And we can't be together.

FALL OF 2007

    WHEN THE WORLD SAYS IT'S OVER, STILL, WE CONTINUE BECAUSE THE UNIVERSE SAID SO.

    Now that I am fully recovered from the trauma of that tragedy, I am now almost ready to face the facts and reality which had been brought to my somnolent life.

    Still, we can be together, aren't we?

    I saw the leaves keep on falling outside the glass window of my room. It's nice to think that after the fall, we can have the opportunity to fly with the wind.

    And like the cat, I can chase for the rat, right?

    I pull the surgical knife out of the small cabinet that the nurse unfortunately left in my bed side. I stare at it for a moment. " I picked a beautiful one." I thought. Suddenly, I found myself gasping for air but it's good. I know it's good because after a second or two, I will be there with you.